My Mole, My Fox and My Horse

Like many times, it feels pointless to even try and explain why things mean so much, but here I go.

The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse by Charlie Mackesy made me burst into tears, mostly ones consisting of smiles. It was gifted to me on one random morning when I didn’t even know it was the thing, I needed the most.

The initial excitement was from the fact that it had lied in my Amazon wish list for about six months and now I could finally lay my hands on it. I always knew that my friend was really cool, we had been binging on some really heartbreaking/warming stuff lately that she had suggested and this was just another way of letting me know that she indeed is, not just cool but a lot of other things – things that you mean when you talk about beauty.

We have been friends for a long time, honestly, it is so tough to even remember when it all started. We have done most things together, sometimes it scares me to do things without her. Largely, it seems unfair that she isn’t around cause she has always been. Cause somehow it is just better to, you know, ask for help?

I am the self-critical kind, and most times to embrace my bizarre skill sets, I have needed her. I would hate to agree but she is the nicer kind, happier kind or at-least good at pretending “I am fine” kind but I know it’s tough for her too, and when she told me about all the hurts and the events surrounding her hurts,  I froze and just went ahead to make a fool out of myself in front of her so she would feel better. Sometimes I even ask her really stupid questions just to make sure she is okay, cause I am also the beat around the bush kind. But Her, sending me this book shows her immaculate strength and hope – not just in life but in me. Her newly gained awareness of her dysfunctional but “okay with it” self makes me want to embrace her even more. She is my fox, my mole and my horse (She makes a bloody good cake too)

Yes, about the book – Charlie Mackesy has happened to capture the kindness and love in the world within numbered pages. The book also has come to my life at a time where the journey seems long and I, everyday blame myself to be a little useful ( There is a ton of shame surrounding me too, I know). The book and of course my dear friend tells me that it is okay to take a little time and not fear or worry. They, directly or indirectly, tell me to appreciate my simmering mess and promise that something wonderful will come out of it.

This book charts out a cartography of tender yet the deepest existential wisdom. The language, as Mackesy says, is for someone who is 8 or 80, sincere, simple and it holds the truths whilst carrying it to our deepest parts. It allows me to be vulnerable and kind. It allows me to forgive myself for a lot of things. 

The illustrations of the book, the overriding lines, light and dark transitions have a far-reaching influence in the twisted corridors of my mind. Through all the pages, the book continues to remain a charismatic, withholding source of inspiration and belief. The universality yet a touching specificity in the questions and answers, bring out the artists’ credibility which comes across as a subtle, sneaky punch – a punch that seems to be a necessity in life. 

Emerging from this simply worded and illustrated book that will stay with me for years to come, comes a feeling – unfathomable and iridescent like there is nothing more but just to sit there holding it for just a little bit longer before turning the page. It not only screams that I have to be tender but definitely a cooler person, like my friend here. So thank you, my dear friend and Charlie Mackesy for gifting me this beautiful new door opening up to hope and possibilities. This otherworldly creation is precious, reminding me to fill my years with experiences, of course with my very dear friend and celebrate my existence with the art of attentiveness, loveliness and kindness.